dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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