Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You pole danced in your parka.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
