so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize