Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
