Can i not drive my cunt home
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
