i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
