Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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