Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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