if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
