I didn't shave. On purpose
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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