There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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