I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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