Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
