At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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