Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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