just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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