flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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