No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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