I wannas sexs uuuuu
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
