so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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