my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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