I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
