He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
