Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize