I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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