we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
