she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It's shark week go big or go home
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
