I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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