I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
How's work?
Spinning.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
