you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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