my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Randomize
