i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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