I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
