i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We need a shit load of segways right now
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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