Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
