oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
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