Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
