Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
