like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You are the jesus of drinking
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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