but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
