ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
