So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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