Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
