this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
