I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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