life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
