Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
