Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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