I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
