see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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