my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I have fence marks all over my body
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
