Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize