You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
