i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
