I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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