what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
