apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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