i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
