you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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