My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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