after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
