Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
