you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
