So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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