the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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