Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
