Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
