Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
