so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
