Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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