i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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